You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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