1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
