Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
