Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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