She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
