I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
