Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
