Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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