shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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