Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
