I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
