My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
