I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
