So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
