I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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