My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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