Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
