gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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