Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hippo gnu deer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
