There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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