she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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