Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
