he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
