At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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