24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
