I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
