jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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