Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
