i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
