Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
