As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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