Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
