You just made me feel so damn special
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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