would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
