Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
