i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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