If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
