Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
