it was like having sex with a tree stump
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone came in the potted fern
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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