K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
