Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
