I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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