Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
