Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
