I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize