Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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