all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
