Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
