Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's like heaven, but drunker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
