when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
