my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
