Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
