I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize