That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize