All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
