you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
