i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
