South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
