hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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