My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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