Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
