is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
