ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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