Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
