Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
