This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
