My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize