we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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