i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Acid is not a monday night drug
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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