is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
