Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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