Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize