this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
