my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
