...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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