Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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