and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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