btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
