but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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