We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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