she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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