By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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