I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
