I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
