When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
