My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
