dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
