Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
