dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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