Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
