youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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