Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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