OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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