To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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