Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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